i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
