we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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