i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ttyl tear gas
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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