It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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