I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize