my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You need Xanax blowdarts
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize