I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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