I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
