The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
