i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
