I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
