The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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