grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
