I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize