STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize