i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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