What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize