i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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