Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
