he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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