i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
