Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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