I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize