did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize