Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
