barbara walters just said penis...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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