A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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