dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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