Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
