The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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