I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
