I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
