I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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