I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
