Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
