ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
