I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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