so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
