My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
