so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
