Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
where are you?
Hypothermia
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
