3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize