I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
