I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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