giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
me + whiskey = a bad person
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
