I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
