Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
