My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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