Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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