My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
