thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my shit smells like andre
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
