is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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