so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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