Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize