i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
