scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
