I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
