hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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