my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
