If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
