you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize