are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
