Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
