so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
