Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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