I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
