i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize