mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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