fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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